Wedding RSVPs: what to ask and how to word it

The RSVP is the part of the invitation that the planning depends on most: the number of seats at the venue, the menus, the seating plan, even accommodation for guests from out of town. Yet it’s also the part guests put off the longest.

Below you’ll find what’s worth asking, how to word the request so replies arrive on time, and what to do with them afterwards.

What RSVP means

RSVP comes from the French “Répondez s’il vous plaît”, meaning “please reply”. On wedding invitations it usually sits alongside a line such as “kindly reply by…”. You don’t have to use the abbreviation; a clear sentence works just as well.

What to ask in the RSVP

Ask for everything you need in one go. Every forgotten question means another round of phone calls in the final month.

• Whether they’re coming. It sounds obvious, but a “sorry, we can’t make it” helps too: you know you’re not waiting any longer.
• How many people are coming. Especially when you invite a couple or a family.
• How many of them are children. Venues usually have a separate menu and price for children.
• Which menu they’d like. Standard, vegetarian, vegan or gluten-free, if the venue needs the choice in advance.
• Practical details. Do they need accommodation? Transport from the church to the reception? Any allergies?
• A message for you. Not essential, but guests really do use it, and the messages make lovely keepsakes.

Don’t ask what you won’t use. A short form gets more replies than one with ten questions.

How to word the RSVP request

A few versions, from formal to relaxed:

Kindly reply by 15 August 2027.

It would help us a lot to know early whether you can come. Please reply by 15 August.

RSVP right from the invitation by 15 August. It takes less than a minute.

So that we can save you a seat at the table, please let us know by 15 August whether you’re coming and how many of you there will be.

An exact date works better than “a month before”. How to choose it, depending on your venue, is in the guide on when to send wedding invitations.

Plus-ones and children: making clear who’s invited

The most delicate part of RSVPs is making clear who exactly is invited. A few rules:

• Write the names in the message you send the invitation with. “Dear Ana and Radu” makes it clear they’re both invited. “Dear Ana” makes it just as clear that she is.
• When children are invited, name them. “We’d love to see you with Sofia and Ilie.”
• When children aren’t invited, say so gently, in the message or the invitation: “We’ve planned an adults-only evening and hope you can enjoy it with us.”
• For a plus-one, say whether they’re welcome: “We’d love to see you and your partner.”

You’ll find message examples for each situation in the guide to the WhatsApp message for your wedding invitation.

RSVPs on an online invitation

On an online wedding invitation, the RSVP is a form inside the invitation. The guest enters their name, says whether they’re coming and how many people there will be, and the reply lands in your account, with nothing to write down by hand.

On a Lovelle invitation, the form can ask:

• how many people are coming and how many of them are children (the question about children appears when someone replies for at least two people);
• which menu each person would like, from the menus you set; anyone who wants the standard menu for everyone ticks a single box;
• up to five questions of your own, answered yes or no, with a short text or by choosing from options, such as accommodation, transport or allergies.

Only those who are coming see the menus and questions, and the form closes on its own after the RSVP deadline. You can get an email for every reply, and your account shows the totals, counted in people: how many are coming, how many children, how many of each menu. If you need a list for the venue or the seating plan, you can download every reply as a CSV file that opens straight in Excel.

See the form on any of the online wedding invitations: every template has an RSVP form to try, with sample details.

What to do with the replies

1. Look at the totals once a week, not after every reply. It keeps you calm.
2. A week before the deadline, message those who haven’t replied. A personal message, not one to the group.
3. After the deadline, give the venue your final numbers and the menus, then work out the seating plan.
4. Keep the messages. Read slowly after the wedding, they’re among the loveliest keepsakes.

Common mistakes

• No deadline. “Please let us know” without a date means replies up to the last day.
• RSVPs on three channels. Some reply on WhatsApp, some by phone, some in the invitation. Ask everyone to reply in the same place, so nobody slips through.
• Questions asked too late. Menus and accommodation belong in the same RSVP, not two weeks before the wedding.
• Unclear about children and plus-ones. If you don’t make it clear, you’ll find out at the door.

Frequently asked questions

How long before the wedding should the RSVP deadline be?

Usually three to four weeks before. Ask the venue how far ahead it needs final numbers and set the deadline a week or two earlier.

What do I do about guests who never reply?

Message them personally a week before the deadline. If they still don’t reply, give them a call: it beats guessing.

Can I find out which menu each guest wants?

Yes. On an online invitation, guests choose their menu right in the form, and you see the totals for each menu, ready to send to the venue.

Can a wrong reply be changed?

A guest who made a mistake can send a new reply, and you delete the old one from your account. To keep things clear, you can add to your reminder: “if anything has changed, just send us a new reply”.